Judy was in the car with her granddaughter, on the way to an event when she received the call that her brother, her only sibling, had died. Visibly upset, her granddaughter asked if she wanted her to turn the car around and take her home. “No, you’ve got to live, it’s about living.”

It is about living. And in our living, we face many challenges in everyday life. Not just meeting the major demands of job, family, household, but the unexpected circumstances of broken water pipes, flat tires, and the big things like illness, and even death. Any such circumstances can cause us to grieve at some level. It might be that the flat tire makes us so late that we miss an important event or appointment that directly affects our wellbeing. We miss many moments of joy and bliss when we find ourselves consumed by the troubles of life. 

Although typically short-lived in this type of a situation, it is easy to become paralyzed by grief. How do we go on in any purposeful way when we are heavily laden with grief caused by the death of a loved one? What can we do to pick ourselves up and get living again? 

Judy has been a widow since losing the love of her life in 2010. To help herself get through life without her spouse, she joined a watercolor class and learned that she was a great artist. The camaraderie with other women in the class was comforting and provided support and encouragement, and she has been painting ever since. 

At age 79, she packed up the belongings from her home of 58 years – those belongings that were most difficult to part with and able to fit in the smaller space she was moving to - and started a new chapter of her life 825 miles away. She left New England, where she had lived her entire life, and resettled in western NC. I thought about how difficult that must have been. It was a dream of hers and her late spouse to one day sell their home and rent an apartment in a thriving community. Having some of her children living in western NC allowed her to become familiar with her current home, in a thriving and upcoming town in the Foothills, well before making a decision to move.

She says, with confidence, “For me, the best way I could honor the love I have for my spouse, who left this world too soon, was to live my life to my fullest.  A very challenging endeavor when one is content to just be and stay in her own world.  So many days I would give myself a good "pep talk" and have deep conversations with my Creator.  I found sketching and poetry was one way I could do both, as creativity has a way of soothing your mind and soul while making you feel more alive.”

Easier said than done, but we can move forward despite adversity, and we can reverse the paralysis of grief, by making a decision to do something. If we are so stuck that we cannot even begin to think about what to do, we might learn from others. It may not be an art class, or a bold move out of state, it could simply be choosing to see something that delights you. See the birds flying from tree to fence, see that spring has sprung and the flowers in the garden are beginning to bloom, sit outside on a breezy day and feel the wind on your skin, and let these things remind you that you are living life. Then perhaps pick up a paintbrush.